Ladies, GOP Rep. Phil Gingrey Is Concerned About Your Tense Vaginas:
You'll get whiplash when you read Republican Representative Phil Gingrey's remarks to the Smyrna, Georgia, Chamber of Commerce. Seriously, the pivot here from rational to bugnuts is so startling that people with severe bipolar disorders could take lessons.

Gingrey and his disturbing head of auburn hair have represented the 11th district since 2003, and he has been a reliable GOP motherfucker of the first order. So it's something of a surprise to read his take on the background check loophole at gun shows: "What it is basically, if you go to a gun show and there’s somebody out there in the parking lot, and they’re getting out of their car, and they’ve got an A-15 on their shoulder or …. John Q. Public wants to sell a handgun or whatever, then there’s no background check. You know, you’re buying a used weapon from somebody and then basically no background check." That's, like, sane and thoughtful.

Wait until the NRA gets him on the phone. You can bet he'll be backing off that position like an old whore realizing that she can no longer put her legs behind her head without snapping her hips. 'Cause, see, you might think, "Gingrey, Gingrey, that rings a bell." Yeah, the congressman once upon a time criticized Rush Limbaugh. Within 24 hours, he was on his knees with Limbaugh's stomach on his head while he gave a slobbity-bobbity of apology, a profile in cowardice.

Of course, it was moments later that Gingrey remembered that he's a motherfucker, and he proceeded to fuck a mother right there at the Smyrna Community Center. Because he decided to defend Todd "Ovaries of Justice" Akin. Yeah, let's just let Gingrey sit on his balls here:

"Part of the reason the Dems still control the Senate is because of comments made in Missouri by Todd Akin and Indiana by Mourdock were considered a little bit over the top. Mourdock basically said ‘Look, if there is conception in the aftermath of a rape, that’s still a child, and it’s a child of God, essentially.’ Now, in Indiana, that cost him the election.

“And in Missouri, Todd Akin … was asked by a local news source about rape and he said, ‘Look, in a legitimate rape situation’ — and what he meant by legitimate rape was just look, someone can say I was raped: a scared-to-death 15-year-old that becomes impregnated by her boyfriend and then has to tell her parents, that’s pretty tough and might on some occasion say, ‘Hey, I was raped.’ That’s what he meant when he said legitimate rape versus non-legitimate rape. I don’t find anything so horrible about that. But then he went on and said that in a situation of rape, of a legitimate rape, a woman’s body has a way of shutting down so the pregnancy would not occur. He’s partly right on that."

The article in the Marietta Daily Journal helpfully points out that Gingrey was a retired OB-GYN, having practiced for like 30 years.

Gingrey went on, no, really, explaining, "And I’ve delivered lots of babies, and I know about these things. It is true. We tell infertile couples all the time that are having trouble conceiving because of the woman not ovulating, ‘Just relax. Drink a glass of wine. And don’t be so tense and uptight because all that adrenaline can cause you not to ovulate.’ So he was partially right wasn’t he? But the fact that a woman may have already ovulated 12 hours before she is raped, you’re not going to prevent a pregnancy there by a woman’s body shutting anything down because the horse has already left the barn, so to speak."

You got that? Raped girls lie, juiced-up pussy juice can stop pregnancy, and women need some wine to loosen up. Gingrey's a great doctor, man. You can trust him. Hell, back in 2005, he was able to diagnose noted vegetable Terri Schiavo without even examining her, saying, "The tragedy of this situation is that with proper treatment, now denied, Terri's condition can improve." Then as now, he would have been right except for the fact that he was completely wrong.

There's gotta be more than a few women in Cobb Country today who feel just a little queasy about who they trusted to deliver their babies and take care of their oh-so confusing lady parts.