Paul Ryan Tries to Fuck Lies Into Truths:
Let us say, and why not, that you are young and deeply in love with an amazing man (and if you truly are, then mazel tov). Call him "Jim," and he's perfect in every way, except that Jim is HIV positive. You make promises to Jim, you tell him that you'll love him no matter what, that you'll help him with his illness, and that you'll get married in a year and move in together. And you mean it. You want Jim to be better, and you want a long life together. But then, a few months down the road, while you're out of town, Jim's murdered, just knifed on the street and left to bleed out and die. It's horrible, a tragedy, one that reverberates through many lives, as such tragedies do. And you? Well, you know that you couldn't have done anything about it. As for your promises, hell, you sigh and know that they will remain as hopes that circumstance took away from you and Jim.

Now, if Paul Ryan had his way, you would be bear at least some responsibility for Jim's death. If you hadn't walked into his life, maybe he wouldn't have been on that sidewalk at that time of night when the mugger stabbed him. In fact, Ryan'd call you out for not marrying his corpse. Yeah, you should not just marry that corpse, you should try to reanimate it, perhaps by fucking it. That's right. Because if you don't fuck Jim's corpse back to life and marry it, then you are a worthless piece of shit whose promises should never be trusted again.

"Are you out of your goddamn mind?" you might say. "It doesn't matter what promises were made once someone killed him." But Republicans would line up behind Ryan because that motherfucker isn't capable of lying and tell you how wrong you are. Corpses can be fucked back to life. You just are too much of a pussy to try.

What else can you say about vice-presidential candidate and GOP demi-deity Paul Ryan's insistence that President Barack Obama broke promises for having told workers at a GM plant in Janesville, Wisconsin, when he was a candidate in 2008, that he wanted the place to be there for another hundred years? Should you say that he never explicitly promised the workers they would keep their jobs, which had already been slashed? That he actually said in February 2008 that if the SUV-producing factory shifted to more completely to hybrids in a green economy and "that if our government is there to support you, and give you the assistance you need to re-tool and make this transition, that this plant will be here for another hundred years"? That Ryan misquoted Obama in the first place by leaving out the part about retooling and transitioning? That in October 2008, the New York Times reported, "On Oct. 13, G.M. announced that its 90-year-old plant there, the company’s oldest factory in the United States, would build its last S.U.V. just before the Christmas holidays"? That the plant was closed on December 23, 2008? That Barack Obama didn't become president until 3 weeks later? That you can't fuck a corpse back to life?

Just today Ryan defended himself on NBC's Today show by saying, "What I was saying is the president ought to be held to account for broken promises. After the plant was shut down he said he would lead efforts to restart the plant. It's still idle." That itself is a lie on top of the original lie. Obama never said he would lead efforts to restart the plant after it closed. Period.

Of course, Ryan's ball washers on the right are jumping to defend their blue-eyed savior. Apparently, because GM didn't bulldoze the plant under, it was not really closed.

As Paul Krugman and others have pointed out, Al Gore was excoriated in the media for shit he did not say. But Paul Ryan is being treated with kid gloves even though we've all walked in on him fucking a lie and then telling us it's not what we think.

(Note: The Rude Pundit is feeling fine now. Thanks for all the get well wishes, which made vomiting away the previous week taste a little less vile.)