Abraham Lincoln Would Fuck Up the Shit of Today's Republicans:
Yeah, today's GOP loves to call themselves "the Party of Lincoln," but Honest Abe would be more likely to use a walking stick to crack some motherfuckin' skulls than deal with the mindless idiots and brainless drones of the 2012 Republican Party. Here's a little speech he made on August 18, 1864 to the 164th Ohio Regiment, in which he brings up how people should be taxed:

"SOLDIERS:--You are about to return to your homes and your friends, after having, as I learn, performed in camp a comparatively short term of duty in this great contest. I am greatly obliged to you, and to all who have come forward at the call of their country. I wish it might be more generally and universally understood what the country is now engaged in. We have, as all will agree, a free government, where every man has a right to be equal with every other man. In this great struggle, this form of government and every form of human right is endangered if our enemies succeed. There is more involved in this contest than is realized by every one. There is involved in this struggle, the question whether your children and my children shall enjoy the privileges we have enjoyed. I say this, in order to impress upon you, if you are not already so impressed, that no small matter should divert us from our great purpose.

"There may be some inequalities in the practical application of our system. It is fair that each man shall pay taxes in exact proportion to the value of his property; but if we should wait, before collecting a tax, to adjust the taxes upon each man in exact proportion with every other man, we should never collect any tax at all. There may be mistakes made sometimes; and things may be done wrong, while the officers of the Government do all they can to prevent mistakes. But I beg of you, as citizens of this great Republic, not to let your minds be carried off from the great work we have before us. This struggle is too large for you to be diverted from it by any small matter. When you return to your homes, rise up to the height of a generation of men worthy of a free government, and we will carry out the great work we have commenced. I return to you my sincere thanks, soldiers, for the honor you have done me this afternoon."

You got that? Tax people according to their wealth, he told returning soldiers. Abe Lincoln, 99%er?

Oh, and he thought that, during war, taxes have to be raised to pay for it. This is from his Fourth Annual Message to Congress on December 6, 1864: "I concur with [the Treasury Secretary] in the opinion that the proportion of moneys required to meet the expenses consequent upon the war derived from taxation should be still further increased; and I earnestly invite your attention to this subject, to the end that there may be such additional legislation as shall be required to meet the just expectations of the Secretary."

Abraham Lincoln, a man who knew what insane was, would have found today's Republicans completely fucking crazy.