Conservatives Say Destruction Will Come to the Boy Scouts If Gay Ban Is Changed:
You wanna read some chilling shit? Check out this letter from the nutzoid right-wing organization The Liberty Institute (motto: "Shoving Christian symbols up your ass with glee for 40 years"). It's to the national leadership of the Boy Scouts of America, which is contemplating some kind of change to the ban on gay scouts and scout leaders, including allowing local chapters to decide what to do: "Delegating that decision to local subsidiaries necessarily means that BSA no longer has a national, organization-wide position on the morality of homosexuality. As such, those local affiliates would be beyond the limits of the Supreme Court’s holding in Boy Scouts of America v. Dale, and each would be subject to new lawsuits under antidiscrimination laws and policies in whatever city and state each troop and pack is situated in.

"While it is possible many of those local units would prevail in their lawsuits, many others might not, and the costs of litigation in either event would be nothing short of crippling for BSA. The legal safe harbor you currently enjoy could only be restored by a second victory at the Supreme Court, if this matter reaches the justices a second time and if the Court again sides with you, during which process you will again incur very significant legal costs.

"There are other implications that could entail a tremendous financial impact, far exceeding the threatened loss of financial support BSA is currently facing from organizations that support the gay agenda. As one example, hundreds of churches that currently sponsor scouting units and permit those troops and packs to meet in their facilities would be compelled to withdraw their sponsorship and rescind the privilege of allowing your scouts to meet in those churches. This would displace countless troops and packs."

You got that? Unless you keep up your total ban on gays and lesbians, you will be destroyed, either by people suing to open up individual troops or loss of meeting space. You must remain one of the last great bastions of homophobia or the nasty queers will take you apart. As will the churches. It's confusing, yes, but, to be sure, it's like Armageddon stuffed in a pita made of apocalypse with Rapture sauce on top. Of course, the real solution would be that the Boy Scouts of America could stop being such nancies about this and just end the ban. Then someone else can start the Totally Not-Gay Rangers or some such shit.

What the BSA has decided so far is to conduct a great and mighty poll of scouts and their families. And the "situational" questions read like the set-up to the safest gay porn ever. For instance, "Bob is 15 years old, and the only openly gay Scout in a Boy Scout troop. Is it acceptable or unacceptable for the troop leader to allow Bob to tent with a heterosexual boy on an overnight camping trip?" You can choose from a range between "Totally Acceptable" to "Totally Unacceptable."

Obviously, "Totally Gay" to "Totally Straight" would have been more fun. And when you have a question like "A gay male troop leader, along with another adult leader, is taking a group of boys on a camping trip following the youth protection guidelines of two-deep leadership. Is it acceptable or unacceptable for the gay adult leader to take adolescent boys on an overnight camping trip?" you gotta wonder why "Totally Hot" is not in the list of scenario judgments. (Note: The "two-deep leadership" is the hot part, not the adolescent boys, pervy fuckers.)

The crazy-as-a-rabid-weasel evangelical Family Research Council (motto: "Making straight and gay singles feel shame is what God wants") would like the members of its Super-Duper Prayer Team to put on the kneepads and give some word head to the Lord about this. Yep, the Rude Pundit joined the SDPT years ago under a nom de rude, and every week he receives his missives what tell 'em what evils need to be loofahed away by our prayerification.

Last week, we were directed to "Pray for God's mercy upon the BSA Council, the Boy Scouts of America and their families, future Scouts, and our nation. May He enable these leaders and our boys to 'be wise about what is good, and innocent about what is evil.'" Now, you may think that means they should be innocent of the existence of the FRC, but no, you sinning suckers of cock. It's gay people and their desire to be allowed to do things that normal people can do that's evil. Why? Who the fuck knows? Let's just say, "Because Jesus or whatever."

It's as good an answer as any.