Washington Post's Marc Thiessen: Here's Some Conservative Lies That'll Scare Idiots:
In his latest "column" (if by "column," you mean, "the logical frog-leaps of a former Bush toady"), torture supporter and former Jesse Helms staff member Marc Thiessen (who was so much more interesting in drag as a teen girl named "Tiffani Amber" on Saved by the Bell) says that because people don't trust President Obama because of the IRS "scandal," national security will be harmed because Congress might pass rules governing NSA surveillance.

And if your reaction to that groin-pulling twist of irrationality isn't "The fuck?" then you are an idiot.

Let's get past this really quickly. Let's just bend Thiessen over his desk and give him a fast fisting, one that he'll obviously enjoy and then hate himself for enjoying:

He writes that the terrorism threat that has caused us to go bugnuts in Africa and Asia came from NSA spying. "Yet the House of Representatives just nearly stripped the NSA of one of its most vital terrorist surveillance tools," he says. Except the problem is that the surveillance tool that Congress almost regulated (but didn't) is the collection of metadata, not the listening in on foreign calls, which is where the bomb-happy "chatter" came from. In other words, Congress would have done nothing to hinder this latest freakout.

Thiessen says, "Many Americans see the IRS scandal as emblematic of an increasingly lawless administration." Except, of course, that there was no IRS scandal, unless you go probing the gooey folds of the minds of deranged teabaggers and Darrell Issa.

He attacks Obama because "Congress refused to pass Obama’s Dream Act, so Obama issued an executive order directing immigration officers to no longer deport an entire class of illegal immigrants who came here as children, regardless of individual circumstances, and to give them work-authorization permits."

Yet the truth of the matter is almost completely different: "The executive order taking advantage of prosecutorial discretion in deportation cases will cover individuals brought to the United States through no fault of their own before the age of 16 who have lived in the U.S. at least five years and have no criminal record. They must also have earned a high school degree or served in the military, and still be under 30. Those who meet the criteria can get deportation proceedings (or the threat of same) deferred for two years and seek work permits."

That's not "regardless of individual circumstances." That's "only in specific cases."

And on and on it goes, with Thiessen dropping faux examples of Obama's "lawlessness" like so many turds from a cow's ass, such as Obama's recess appointments when the House refused to recess but wasn't actually meeting, as well as the kind of executive actions that Thiessen supported when George W. Bush was his employer. Somehow, this all connects back to how Americans distrust the government when it comes to spying on them and then that will make al-Qaeda gleeful.

Marc, Marcy, Tiffani, baby, listen. Let the Rude Pundit coo in your ear: It is possible, nay, probable, that people can hold two thoughts in their heads. Yes, yes, obviously the small-headed fuckers who read and believe you don't count. But we can actually think that there is no IRS scandal and that NSA data collection is a problem. We can think that Obama is being sane on immigration and paranoid on security.

But, obviously, you have a lot of lying to do, and, fortunately, the Washington Post's editorial page to do it on.