Did You Know That Contraception Coverage Is Like Terrorism and War?:
Apparently, yesterday was the "Day Religious Freedom Died," or so said Representative Mike Kelly of Pennsylvania, who is, what do you know, Republican. August 1 is when several provisions of the Affordable Care Act (aka "Obamacare," aka "Stalin's Ghost Dick Fucking You in the Night") went into effect, making sure health insurance plans cover such horrors as breastfeeding support services and HIV screening.

Oh, and contraceptives. Yes, health insurance plans must now cover contraceptives for women, essentially codifying a Bush-era rule. But because religious employers, like, you know, DePaul University and St. Lickataint Hospital, must have health insurance that does so, it's the Day Religious Freedom Died. In a complete misunderstanding of how contraception works, Kelly said that such employers' heath care coverage "includes abortion-inducing drugs or else pay a steep tax."

(By the way, Mike Kelly totally supports voucher education, so it's okay that that your atheist tax money goes to religious schools and that's not anti-freedom at all, so go fuck yourself with your logical extensions.)

Oh, and Kelly also said this: "I know in your mind you can think of times when America was attacked. One is December 7th, that's Pearl Harbor day. The other is September 11th, and that's the day of the terrorist attack...I want you to remember August the 1st, 2012, the attack on our religious freedom. That is a day that will live in infamy, along with those other dates." It's like hitting your thumb with a hammer and saying it's your personal Hiroshima.

Man, Rep. Kelly, who once called President Obama "the Pontius Pilate of politics," has such a big mouth that he can teabag two sets of balls at once.

Kelly was pimp-slapped by Sen. Daniel Inouye of Hawaii, who offered, "I witnessed the attack on Pearl Harbor and had the privilege of serving in the United States Army during World War II and I find the comments made by the Congressman from Pennsylvania to be misguided and insulting. It is complete nonsense to suggest that a matter discussed, debated, and approved by the Congress and the President is akin to a surprise attack that killed nearly 2,500 people and launched our nation into the second World War." Then he challenged Kelly to tell wounded soldiers from Afghanistan that contraception coverage is the same as 9/11. That's the rhetorical equivalent of shoving a pineapple up Kelly's tight ass.

This is who your GOP is right now. Barack Obama can be called a foreigner by sitting members of Congress, but a Canadian-born Ivy Leaguer, with a Cuban father, who believes that George Soros and the United Nations are conspiring to take away golf courses can win a primary and be praised by George Will as positively "Madisonian."And his victory is seen as a warning to Mitt Romney, who has done everything to tack right short of cutting off his left arm and wearing Paul Ryan's skin as a suit, that he better get with the Tea Party program.

Contraception coverage is like Pearl Harbor? Really? What's next? Medicaid expansion is like Auschwitz? Gay marriage is like the Bosnian genocide? Oh, wait, that was about killing Muslims, so it wasn't that bad, right? History is so confusing, probably because it's about facts, which have nothing to do with reality for today's Republicans.