In Brief: Dick Cheney Is Still Alive and Talking, For Some Reason:
And so it was that, revitalized by feasting on the delicious organs of the young, former Vice President Dick Cheney slouched his way onto the dais at the Wyoming Republican Party state convention on Saturday and slurped his way through an hour and a quarter of questions from his vestigial tail, daughter Liz. The fetid bucket of rotten meat that limps like a human heaved itself into a chair and, like a virus with legs, immediately started vomiting forth his programmed disease: "I can't think of a time when I felt it was more important for us to defeat an incumbent president today with respect to Barack Obama," Cheney said. "I think he has been an unmitigated disaster to the country."

Now, you may think that Dick Cheney calling Barack Obama's presidency "an unmitigated disaster" is like a dung beetle declaring that another insect is "filthy" or a herpes-sore-mouthed meth whore calling another woman "a skank," but you wouldn't get the full delusional flavor of Cheney's remarks, as he added, not at all ironically, "I think to be in a position where he gets four more years in the White House to continue the policies he has, both with respect to the economy, and tax policy, and defense and some other areas would be a huge, huge disappointment." Because if you want advice on taxes and defense, you should definitely take it from anyone in the Bush White House.

Apparently, that new heart of his still didn't include a self-awareness gene.

Otherwise, Cheney kicked the greatest hits. He got huge applause fronting for torture: "It produced a wealth of information. Don’t let anybody tell you the enhanced interrogation program didn’t work. It did," a statement that no one ever follows up with asking how many Americans were killed because of anger about those same "techniques." You should be comforted, though, because, as Cheney said, "We didn’t pull anybody’s fingernails out with a file or something like that." Which of course begs the question of how Cheney knows what tools are needed to pull out fingernails.

Many of the gathered Wyoming GOPers were amazed at how lively Cheney was, considering he's had five heart attacks and is on heart #2. They needn't have been. He travels with sedated Iraqi children who have tubes in their arms, ready to be siphoned for more life-giving blood for the Vice President.

Oh, he also said that Mitt Romney would do a "whale of a job" as president, by which one can presume to mean that he'll float along and devour the smallest, most helpless creatures he can find.